A book, a bite and a cat

On a day filled with sunshine and promise I left the house with my daughter’s two dogs attached to their respective leads and we went walking through the streets of Hawthorn, as is my habit while they’re in our care, twice each day. 

On this day earlier in the afternoon than usual, the dogs are sniffing the nature strip of a posh house complete with central bird bath when we meet a woman on the street.

A woman a decade or so younger than me, which does not make her young. Her hair dyed black, and too harsh for her pale skin which gives her an other-worldly appeal, she is also dressed in black. Black blouse, trousers and jacket. The only colour a slash of bright red across her lips. 

She stops as I approach, as if wanting to ask a question. I’m wary when I travel with the dogs these days, when it comes to the advance of other dogs but this woman is alone, dogless and seemingly harmless. Nor does she look homeless.

I’m wearing earphones into my latest audiobook Flashlight, which fills me with fear and suspicion given I’m learning about the kidnapping of Korean and Japanese citizens from Japan during the 1970s, a time in my life when I was beginning my career in therapy and getting married here in Australia.

I had no idea such terrible things happened in the shadow of communist fears and that North Korea was capturing select Korean and Japanese citizens in order to get them back to North Korea to retrain them through cruelty and propaganda to become spies who could infiltrate other places and seek to empower the North Korean regime before it fell apart. After its leader died decades later.

The book fills me with awe and trembling to read about the cruelty imposed on one of our central characters whose name changes from Soek to Hiroshi to Serk as he moves from place to place and is kidnapped and presumed drowned by the Japanese and Americans, his family as well as the world at large.

My mind filled with the mysteries of his disappearance, this woman proffered her hand towards the dogs and looked about to speak. I pulled out my ear phones.

Do you live in this street? She asked. I told her no.

‘Just walking your dogs then? She asked as if it was not obvious. ‘I’m a cat person,’ she went on and moved her hand towards the labradoodle.

The dog shrunk back. 

‘Do they bite?’ the woman asked undeterred 

‘No. She’s just shy.’ Then the Jack Russell jumped up to lick her hand. I pulled the dog back and made to continue our journey.

This woman herself seemed timid but keen on some sort of conversation so though her style had a question mark to it such I could not figure out what she was hoping for, she seemed harmless enough.

We said goodbye and the woman pulled into a house one door down from where we stood. I watched her enter her gate and she was gone.

Then I crossed the road to reach the lane I cut through on my way home.

As we walked through yet another open gate way, the dogs began to bark. Ensconced in my book once more I could not see what the commotion was about.

No dogs on the horizon, then the Jack Russell dragged at her lead to get onto the pathway beyond the open gate and I saw the fluff ball of a black cat puffed up like a porcupine and hissing like Scarface claw. 

The Jack Russell was snarling and pulling at her lead to get to this monster and I yanked both dogs away beyond the open gate. As I did so,the Jack Russel mid snarl at the cat clamped her teeth down on my trouser leg, enough to draw blood.

Not a deep wound mind – no hole in my trousers – but it gave me a shock. This dog the sweetest of dogs and I have never before been bitten by a dog.

So I raced the dogs home and on my husband’s recommendation applied his favourite antidote to all minor ailments, a generous splash of ti-tree oil.

It stung like a knife had passed through but healed quickly and in time I forgave the dog.

That night thinking about the events of the day, I put together the strange woman in black, lover of cats and her question as to whether the dogs bite with my encounter with the black cat and subsequent dog bite. As if in some uncanny way she had predicted my future.

og bites, Scarface Claw, I am not prone to superstition, but I can enter a paranoid world as fast as the next person. Now every time I walk along this street I avoid the side of the open gate and walk swiftly past the house the woman entered to avoid any further encounters

Such a strange process, how we encounter the unexpected and it morphs in memory to something bigger and more meaningful than it might otherwise. The book, the bite and a cat. 

We need a chat

‘It is why he distrusts memory. Memory shifts. Memory lifts. Memory makes do with what it is given. Memory is not about facts. Memory is an inconsistent measurement of the pain in one’s life.’ Brandon Taylor Real Life.

Now here’s one take on memory I had not considered before and yet there’s some truth to it. We tend to remember events that are emotionally laden, and what more heavily laden than pain. Though of course, if the pain enters the realm of trauma, it can well be repressed, buried, and forgotten until sometime into the future when a tiny trigger, a pin prick on our skin, can sting with all the ferocity of a deep cut. And then in the form of a flash back, memory has all the clarity of fact even as we might not get all the details correct.

When his car pulled up in the street outside I hesitated to get up and take a look. The floorboards creaked and even as I knew he would not be able to hear them from all the way in front of my upstairs apartment still I imagined he’d know I was there and the sound of my footsteps proof of my presence.

I knew it was only a matter of time before my brother decided to check up on me. Only a matter of time before he decided to take matters into his hands and restore order to the chaos of my life. 

The street was usually quiet in the middle of the day, most people away at work, and there were plenty of spaces in which to park my brother’s white Volvo there on the nature strip directly in front of the block of flats. 

I could see him then through the venetian blinds, his silhouette truncated through the slats. Just as I hovered at the window hidden from view and he returned to his car, his knock on my door unanswered, he sat in his car busy with something.

I could not see whether he was reading or writing, or otherwise just thinking but when he appeared at the side of his car and gave the door a loud slam before he clicked it shut with his keys. It gave me a start. 

I needn’t have let him in. I knew that. I could go on hiding. I’d done things like this when I was small. When there was a knock on the door and my mother urged us all to stay silent as beetles in the grass because there was someone at the door looking to be paid and she had not enough money.

I knew about not having much money that’s why I had agreed to give my boyfriend the $200.00 the government gave me and which I was supposed to put into an account to be shared between me and my sister to pay for our board and living expenses throughout the year. 

I hadn’t told my sister about this loan because I believed my boyfriend would earn it back in no time at the races. 

This at a time when my Volvo-driving brother took on the role of paternal presence. I did not welcome his authority, as if he could arrest me or my then boyfriend on charges of stealing. 

When he finally penetrated my door some weeks later and caught me unexpectedly one Saturday Morning late, my boyfriend away at the races, Moonee Valley or Sandown, I did not have the foresight not to open the door.

‘There you are now,’ he said. ‘We need a chat.’ 

And chat we did, the outcome of which was I agreed to tell my boyfriend he must return the money, and he could do this promptly by buying us a refrigerator. Ours had packed in weeks ago and we were subsisting on non-refrigerator foods, long life milk, melted margarine and no ice cream. 

The next win at the races made this possible.

Memories shape us. They add colour to the universe of our internal world. Without them we become shells of who we were once were. The hapless person stricken with Alzheimer’s becomes someone else, someone we do not recognise. 

My Volvo-driving brother died a year ago and I am sad he has gone. He stopped telling me what to do years ago but my memory of his fathering stays with me, albeit in condensed form. 

Memory is indeed an inconsistent measurement.