Eleanor Oliphant is me

The trouble with life as a writer the search for narrative intensity -the desire to turn every event into a story with a beginning, middle and end, but also to include an ascending arc that brings in the wow factor and can make people’s jaws drop open – is never ending.

I sit at dinner with my three sisters and all I want is to plunge into the past, to explore what it was like when we four were young and reflect on the things that made us into who we are today.

But tonight they’re not so inclined. We talk instead about our careers, our children and grandchildren. We talk about their travels and the places in which we live today.

I try to stop myself from slipping into boredom and watch other people in the restaurant, one of those cheap and cheerful Italian pizza joints in St Kilda near the beach, where the waiter is kindly and I can see the way he looks at us, as if we are a group of old biddies and it takes an effort to be friendly because we are generations out of his reach and he’s not interested in the ticking of our minds, much as I might be curious about his.

I sit face out to the restaurant and there’s an archway between the two rooms and steps on either side that lead into a third larger room. As people walk down the steps and into our room they appear to arrive in twins and yet when they materialise at the door of the restaurant there is only one.

It bothers me and so I go to check out this optical illusion and, in the process, catch the eye of a young woman who is looking towards our table.

I take myself off to the stairs in search of what one sister tells me is a mirror at the top of the stairs that must be causing the illusion and the young woman approaches the table in my absence.

She offers cards to my sisters and from the top of the stairs I can get a full view of the restaurant and its mock chianti style bottles with candle wax dripping and gingham table cloths and garlic hanging from the walls.

I find the mirror further back at the top of the stair. It fills an entire wall of the walkway between the two rooms and creates the illusion whenever someone walks through, there are two, the mirror image that arrives first when you’re seated down below and the actual person who appears next on the stars.

Back at our table the young woman has left my sisters alone alone and taken back her cards.

‘She was deaf,’ one sister says ‘The cards give the directions for signing. Asking price $5.00.’

No one takes up her offer.

After she’s gone, we speculate on the nature of begging and the fact that the streets are filled with homeless people.

‘How sad,’ we say, and then go through the trite polite platitudes of people who are privileged and caught up in our own lives to the point we don’t give a damn.

I tell my sisters about Eleanor Oliphant, a fictional character whom I have come to love as if she is a real person who walks the streets of somewhere in Scotland.

Someone, I might meet one day.

 Eleanor Oliphant is the fictional creation of Gail Honeyman, first time novelist and a youngish woman by the look of her picture on the back cover of my copy.

Eleanor Oliphant is a person who tells no lies. And even as a naive and seemingly innocent person she remains inscrutable to all those with whom she works in some boring office in the middle of town. She can be acid sharp in her thinking and her observations of her colleagues.

Given she has not mastered the art of politeness in any conventional sense and is not friendly towards people but prefers her own company, she is slow to form relationships but over the course of the book we meet Raymond, an ungainly man whose eating manners are appalling and who lives alone, like Eleanor, but he has a mother whom he visits regularly and although it can be a trial, we get the impression he loves his mother and she loves him.

The two come together over an old man Sam who collapses in the street and Raymond does the right thing by organising an ambulance and with Eleanor’s help gets Sam into hospital.

Eleanor tags along and over time begins to connect with Sam and his family and with Raymond. The story goes on from there.

Eleanor Oliphant does not know about love. Images trickle in early in the book where we come to understand something of the cruel relationship, she has with a mother whose sharp tongue and brutality leave us gasping.

And Eleanor Oliphant must speak to her mother every Wednesday night whether she likes it or not, her mother who is unable to visit in person for reasons that also become clear early in the book. And then even clearer at the end.

This story of a young woman’s life is a page turner, one I cannot stop admiring because Eleanor Oliphant, as fictional as she is, enters into the realm of real life in my head as a representative of so many people who exist in this world who have been traumatised and who cannot engage with others in the way they might otherwise.

I sense an Eleanor Oliphant in my own bones, even though I have worked out how to relate to people. I am polite and can be spontaneous but underneath in my writer’s head I can think all the harsh things about people that Eleanor Oliphant thinks, all the crude criticisms of other people’s foibles, including their appearance.

As if my writerly sensibilities give me permission to stand outside of myself and observe. But like Eleanor Oliphant I am not so good at seeing myself in this process.

I am not so good at seeing how I might appear to others, though I get hints from time to time and more so in recent years since I passed the age of fifty that I have joined the group of invisible people, the characters who stand to one side of the principle actors in any movie, the cast of thousands who must stand around looking as if they are simply going about their business without so much as a passing glance at the actors at the centre on whom all the lights and sound recording equipment are focussed. One of the many expendable people who flank the footpath as the actors go through their lines.

A blimp on the wall paper of life in a movie and although I dislike this position it also offers a level of anonymity that, as it is for Eleanor Oliphant, offers a point from which to observe. But unlike Eleanor Oliphant who goes home each weekend to drink vodka until she is blind, I go home to write about my observations, and it offers a type of blindness to my own peculiarities and also a safe place in which to hide the actuality of what it’s like to be alive these days in my body and mind.

On not knowing how to be

I don’t resort to bad language as a rule but there are times when the occasional expletive shoots from my mouth, the odd fuck or shit.

Otherwise, I tend towards the well-spoken.

I try to enunciate my vowels the way my teachers taught me at school. But these days I find there is a disconnect between the words that come out of my mouth and the thoughts in my mind.

These days I find there are things I want to say to the person seated opposite, things I should not say, like

‘Your breath is foul,’ or

‘There’s parsley on your teeth,’ or

‘There’s a pink line along the edge of your neck where your makeup begins and your skin colour ends. It looks ridiculous.’

 I want to say these things but I know they are rude and people do not say such things to one another, unless they’re troubled, or the mother of a small child or maybe someone’s partner.

But even married people don’t say these things to one another unless they aim to hurt.

These days, whenever I sit with the group of people from my work, when we form a tight circle around the edge of the room and hold our hands on our laps and look at one another earnestly as we speak about the important things that matter at our work with troubled people who come to our agency for help because they have no money and someone has to decide whether they should be eligible for a hamper of food or a credit card that allows them to buy proper food at a supermarket or provide a bed for the night.

We cross and uncross our legs. We take it in turns to speak. We wait patiently until the person speaking has had their say. We do not interrupt. We do not remark on anyone’s appearance or the fact that one person looks to be hung over or that another member of the group is fighting off the urge to sleep or someone else is trying to stop themselves from flying into a rage because they did not get the permission they needed to give a large sum of money to a very worthy woman to whom they had taken a liking.

We do not remark upon what we have observed or give words to our thoughts, or so I believe if I am to believe that other people think like me.

But I cannot be sure that other people think like me and when the woman who sits beside the tall older man who has now fallen asleep and begun to snore taps him on the leg to wake him up, does she do so because she is like me and cannot abide the sound of a man snoring or does she do it to spare him the embarrassment of being so deeply asleep that his snores will soon turn into grunts and everyone will notice.

Not everyone is like me, I need to remind myself.

Not everyone cares about what other people are doing or saying or not saying. Not everyone wants to get inside the other person’s head to figure out what goes on there.

It is important to take care in this world of social discourse.

It is important to keep good manners, to watch your ps and qs, as my mother used to say.

It is important to keep up appearances as my sister once told me. To be tactful, and sensitive as my teachers have taught me. To look to the needs of others and to forego your own.

But it can be hard to know your own needs when you have focussed so much on what goes on in the minds of others, or at least when you have focussed so much on what they might be thinking especially when they do not say.

‘Would you like tea or coffee?’ the person in charge of the kettle says to the next person who stands in the queue.

‘I’m easy,’ he says.

‘Whichever is easier,’ the next person says

And the woman with the kettle must decide for them or ask again, ‘Which do you prefer?’

People are like that. They don’t own up to their desires or preferences and so you need to figure it out from the clues and hints that come your way and you can never be sure.

You can only practise yourself.

‘Yes, please. I’d like a cup of tea, white with one sugar.’

The sugar is dangerous, you know.

In this day and age, people disapprove of sugar much as they disapprove of cigarettes. Smoking is a complete no-no and drinking too much alcohol as well. A small glass sipped gently and over a long period of time is okay but no guzzling.

Serious drinking and the eating of sugar must take place behind the scenes.

I cannot get to an end of all things I must figure out in the strange thing called human discourse, but I shall keep on trying, otherwise I will be ostracised and then I will not have one single clue about how to live my day.