All things bright and beautiful: the art of deportment

‘Okay girls,’ Miss Bright said, ‘Let’s begin with the way you sit.’ She towered over us, raised on a dais to one side of her desk and then lifted her chair without scraping the floor. She rested it gently into its new position. Next she straightened and placed herself between chair and desk.

On ballerina toes, her back ramrod straight, Miss Bright lowered her behind onto the seat and perched there on the edge as if she was ready to get up and leave at any minute. She looked uncomfortable but the expression on her face, a faint smile of tranquillity, never left her for one moment.

‘Now you try.’

Chairs scraped as twenty adolescent girls adjusted their seats beside their desks and each tried to tiptoe first then place their behinds neatly on the edge of their chair.

Miss Bright walked around the classroom, her stilettos clacking on the hard wood floors. 

‘That’s right,’ she said to Bernadette Tuohy. 

‘A little more centred,’ she said to Rosanna Tochetto. And every girl was seated in minutes in the same strained awkward pose.

Miss Bright worked for the Elly Lukas School of Deportment and visited because the nuns at our schools had decided we girls needed to learn better manners – ours was a convent for ladies after all. I should not have attended but a week before Miss Bright arrived, Mother Ursula spoke to me after class one afternoon. 

‘There’s a subsidised place to this course in deportment, and I think you should have it.’

I was flattered to be given the chance to join the other girls whose parents were prepared to pay extra money on top of school fees to enable us to learn how to become ladies.

I chafed at the idea that Mother Ursula might have offered me the place, not only because my family were too poor to afford it, but also because I needed this type of help more than most. My torn pinafore. Buttons missing from my blazer. My worn shoes. Deportment was all about appearances and appearances were not my forte.

Miss Bright’s classes ran for six weeks, a lesson each week for an hour during which she taught us the basic elements of sitting, walking, standing, and saying ‘hello’.

She taught us about personal hygiene, to use deodorants down below, preferably in spray form so that we might keep our bodies at their freshest best.

She taught us that we must prepare our wardrobe each evening before a major event and preferably for any day so that we did not waste precious time in the mornings on our dress. 

Being prepared was the essence of her bible. Prepared for whatever might lie ahead. Stockings darned. Shoes polished each night. Everything designed to look our best for when we would take our place in the world as the bright and shining secretaries of tomorrow.

From six weeks of classes there is not much I remember other than Miss Bright’s insistence we always look our best, even late in bed at night. All of it designed to keep our men happy. Our men who expected us to be like Stepford Wives, perfectly coiffed at all times, while able to cook excellent meals, clear dishes with minimal fuss, keep a tidy house, keep children quiet, well behaved and good mannered.

All of this with the aim of keeping the man in our lives happy and satisfied. Unharried in his important work in the outside world where he needed his wife to be an attribute. 

Is this where the idea of Trophy Wife or the wife as handbag came into being?  The wife as handbag. Husband as handbag. Partner as an extra limb on our bodies to give the impression we have it all.

The nuns and the deportment school never taught us this.

2 thoughts on “All things bright and beautiful: the art of deportment”

  1. Were you really in the age of darning stockings, E? I wasn’t, and I’m older than you. Can you darn nylon stockings? I don’t think so… What deprivation were you trying to conjure up by this to nonsense to suggest that you were not a privileged person? One of this world’s lucky In world terms you are a p rincess., representing a tiny percentage, albeit in your case a grouchy, resentful, ungrateful soul.
    popular series like the wonderful “Mrs Maisel” show women waiting until their husbands are asleep before they groom in various ways; then wake up before their husbands in order to present themselves as always gorgeous. Miss Bright would approve.
    Do what needs to be done., if you want success. Unsatisfied people wont change their stripes: they will always be dissatisfied. Is that you Elisabeth?

  2. Deportment, etiquette, protocol: proper behaviour. I never had much truck with that. I, from a very early age, used my fork in the wrong hand, wore my watch on the wrong wrist and held my pencil in my own inimitable way. I did what felt natural, what felt right for me. Life is not a dance and although I can appeciate several bodies in synchronous motion and, indeed, marvel at their skill I was never interested in joining in. Surprises me I didn’t drift more towards jazz in my own composing. I caught ten minutes if the coronation last week. Hadn’t planned to tune in but the few minutes I did watch were painful viewing, everyone desperate not to put a foot wrong lest they offend half the country. Horrible.

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