Temporarily wounded

‘We are all weightless in the end’. And yet our lives are measured from our earliest days ounce by ounce, gram by gram, molecule by molecule, as if we exist only in the material weight of our beings rather than in our spirts, which are as weightless as dust motes. And almost as invisible, except in certain lights when they catch the sun. 

They suspended a DANGER sign in red and white over the Camberwell junction in the days before authorities installed a similar set of traffic lights at the intersection of Auburn Road and Oxley Roads. To slow people down even when people travelled more slowly. Their cars unable to gather speed, but people rode without seat belts and loaded their cars with as many bodies as possible. When families were large and distances wide, and with limited public transport. 

My father ran his grey station wagon into another car or was it the other way round at this intersection? His car was mangled but only one body suffered damage, my elder sister whose leg was in plaster from an earlier fall. She’d been playing with our brothers in a tree. Getting up the tree was easy but getting back down trickier.

Just swing down with this branch one brother told her and obedient child she grabbed the branch and it snapped. She hit the ground and could hear the crack of bone. Her brothers carried her home.  Our father was convinced it needed nothing other than his care and her rest until morning. 

By this time it had swollen to twice its size and despite his makeshift splint and hatred of all people medical, my father and mother took her to the hospital where she was x-rayed, the brake confirmed and she was rolled in plaster of Paris for several weeks. Her fame at school sealed by the mark of white that in any school signalled a person of note, a person different from all others as she walked on crutches and her leg was in plaster different from one day to the next. 

If she had travelled permanently on crutches it would have been a different story. Then she would be shunned as disabled. But the temporarily wounded attract attention among young folks.

For this reason, I too decided it would be good to break a bone, but no matter how often I let my body tumble, the only time my bones broke came later years. Though one of my father’s favourite wounds one he could attend with impunity happened when I was ten. 

At the Camberwell swimming pool which we called the Baths, a blue sea of water wide at the shallow end and narrow at the deep with a baby’s pool next door and the oddest of outhouses on either side en route to the men’s and women’s change rooms.

These tall structures were open at either end. You were meant to enter on arrival before or after you visited the change rooms and before you entered the baths to shower under a blast of cold water from within this white tiled extravaganza that almost no one used. Built in the days when people washed less or when chlorine in pools was not yet invented and they worried over for the water’s health.

Near the female cubicle five steps led down to the women’s change rooms. A metal banister ran down the side and one day I swung over and under like a monkey. My strong arms took my weight until they did not, and I fell onto the concrete, jarring my shoulder.

‘It’s your collar bone,’ my father said as he draped a torn strip of old bedsheet across my shoulder, down around my waist then back again. Mummified and indignant. Terrified with my father’s hands on my body and disappointed my wound was not greater. 

The pain passed overnight and I took off the bandage in the morning spared my father’s ministrations, the white coated stranger of a doctor far better than the man whose touch could turn a body to stone. Not so weightless in the end.

Unanswered letters

A rectangular wooden box, the length of a football with a hinged lid that lifts and falls, and a small hole on top, which once housed a latch, long gone.

It belonged to his mother’s mother and sat in her kitchen in Mansfield. Inside he stores treasures collected over the years and hidden in this box which today sits on our mantel in the bedroom. 

Until now I have not spent long examining the box, but last night we went in search of lost euros, squirreled away in containers throughout this house from trips our children have made to Europe over the course of our married life. 

My youngest is off to Italy and Greece today for a holiday with her boyfriend and a few loose euros would not go astray, even as they have access to money enough for their trip. 

On the lid someone has engraved the words Many Happy Returns, as if the box was once a gift and below, two words on the diagonal, Unanswered Letters. The box could fit many unanswered letters and his mother might have used it as such. 

A strange concept, the unanswered letter. All those letters filed away for further work.

On one side of the box, our engraver has carved the words Three Little Rascals and beside them etched the image of three small dogs, two in a basket, the other tail wagging nearby. 

On the other side, there’s a horse’s head in the middle of an elaborate horseshoe and the words Remembrance. On the narrow end, our engraver has carved the picture of a kangaroo, on the other an emu.

An Australian example of pyrography which, until last night, I did not know existed. 

Pyrography, as the name implies, involves drawing and writing with heat. The person who created this box, a century ago, used a small, pointed soldering iron, held like a pen, it’s point heated repeatedly over a flame. Rather like a pen dipped in ink. Today woodburning wands are electric, so there’s no need to heat and reheat. The iron maintains a steady flow of heat to etch in the burn.

When I was a child I invented my own form of pyrography in secret. I retrieved the stubs of my father’s cigarettes almost used up to the orange butt with enough tobacco remaining to get a red glow sufficient to burn a pattern onto toilet paper.

In this way I etched my initials onto toilet roll sheets, secreted in the outside toilet so no one could detect the whiff of smoke. Though why should I have worried, when my father smoked in the toilet often and no one was to know it was me hidden behind the wooden door?

I’ve been tuning into a reading of Annie Ernaux’s The Years, enthralled by the way she travels across time from her birth in 1941 and her childhood memories through adolescence into adulthood. The way she maps the history of France across her lifetime from then into the mid 1980s. Through all the dramatic years, the crises, the 1968 year of revolutions when she was a young mother keen to get onto her childhood ambition of being a writer. She held off as her life as wife, mother and teacher demanded she put aside such desires until her children grew and she divorced. 

I’m intrigued by the effortless way Ernaux slips from first to second and third person in shifting from her own singular experience to that of her generation. The ‘we’ voice is prominent when she describes the politics of her day. How ‘we’ as a people, mainly middle class, though she sometimes alludes to the wealthy and even the poor, but always the ‘we’ of her generation: our taste in furniture, our inclination to watch television for the first time, then upgrade our sets, next learning about the new gadgets the CD’s and video tapes that keep us at home. The Walkman to pump music into our bodies as we travel. The ways in which a society kids itself that all is well, even though the arrival of the other, in the form of Arab and Muslim migrants, shatters the homogeneity. Thoughout, Ernaux harks back to conversations of past eras: World War Two, conflict in Algiers, their fight for independence, Vietnam war and the endless civil unrests that have sparked bright and dangerously throughout Ernaux’s life. 

It strikes me when we trawl through a life, as Ernaux does, you see how minuscule our individual lives are and how much as a people over time we learn little about the horrors of war, only to allow such conflicts to keep on in the name of some fantasy that one day peace will prevail.

There’s also the relentless march of progress. The way washing machines took over the back breaking work of hot tubs and scrubbing boards, and ovens took over from open fires. Electricity, hair dryers and the vacuum cleaner. Domesticity reduced in hours but not in its ability to bore us silly in its relentlessness.

And my husband’s wooden box throws me back to a time when we wrote letters on sheets of paper. Sealed them in envelopes and stamped the outside in the right hand corner above the address, and offered one another small gifts of words, sometimes etched on wood.