Tag: contagion

One Autumn

It began with that first leaf falling. No one saw it happen, but you felt it in the morning the moment you woke, a chill as though someone had left the door open in an otherwise heated room. Tendrils of cold crawled over your skin. And then before you knew it, goose bumps erupted on the surface of your skin. 

When I woke that morning, my sister could not get out of bed. Her eyes were glazed, and she groaned. No school that day so no one was fussed she did not dress as usual and over the course of the morning when my mother came to check, the first spark ignited. Something was wrong.

 I bolted. Down the road to friends. My sister did not join me. An unusual move. Typically, she and I went everywhere together but this day she turned to face the wall when I said, ‘Let’s go play with Janice and Lesley.’ Two kids who lived round the corner and down the hill in a red brick half house opposite the park. The perfect location for fun. More so because both their parents, who were from Scotland and spoke with the strangest accents, were away at work. Even on a weekend. 

Janice, the elder of the two, even older than me, and at ten, I was old, was put in charge of her younger sister. And although they were allowed to entertain visitors in the form of me and my sister they were not to mess the lounge, go into their parent’s bedroom, or leave any dirty dishes unwashed and stacked away. 

Their mother returned every lunch time to check on them and otherwise they were free. By the time I left my sister languishing in her bed it was mid-morning and more leaves had fallen.

Later in the day when the ambulance came to take my sister away, and Janice and Lesley had decamped to my house, I overheard my mother mutter the word ‘polio’, and although I did not know what it meant, I knew it was serious. As serious as the girl at my school who had to leave in the middle of the day one day, not because she was ill, but because someone else in her family was.

With TB and it was contagious. You caught it off one another and. So, it was best for people with TB to be taken away to sanitoriums where they could get better, if they were lucky. And every member of their family had to stay at home and be tested to see whether they had the disease too. Something that caught in your lungs and made you cough and cough till blood came up. 

My sister was just red in the face, and drowsy. Not coughing.

‘A fever,’ my mother said and hoped she’d be okay. We should pray for her.

You prayed for sinners. You prayed for the dead to keep them out of hell or get them out of purgatory and into heaven. You prayed for people already in heaven that they

have a good time there and you’d meet them one day after you died. You prayed for the sick and dying in the same way so they too might reach that perfect place. Where anything you wanted you could have. 

There were times I longed to get to heaven and other times I was terrified at my prospects of ever getting inside, given all the stealing I had done over my ten years. All the lies told, all the times I’d harboured impure thoughts. 

My sister was different. If she did things wrong it was only at my prompting. She was young. God could not blame her for any bad behaviour if she were to die. But I did not want to think about this.

Her bed empty at night and the days and nights of her absence stretched into months and a whole school term passed before I went one day with my mother and the two youngest ones on the yellow bus though Ivanhoe to the infectious diseases’ hospital in Fairfield. There was my sister in a bed in a room filled with people, grown up women, and looking for all the world like a queen.

To this day I have wondered why my sister was taken away. Why she was the one whose body was invaded.

How it is that illnesses decide to attack one person and not the next? Why some are born strong and others with weakened constitutions that do not allow them to live long. While others can reach over one hundred years. 

Th lottery of life. And one I cannot fathom. But like all lotteries it is one of chance. Hence cruel and unfair. As unpredictable as which leaves fall from the tree first, and which ones fall last. 

Bugs that burrow under skin

In the year I turned seventeen, I took a holiday job at the Antonian Children’s home. The migrant branch of the church had set it up for deprived boys and girls of Italian origin and that year for the first time, the nuns at my school offered an opportunity to senior girls who wanted to give back to the community. 

In the spirit of giving as preached by Catholic nuns and priests, my mother believed the best way to overcome adversity was to give to others. So off I went. The Antonian home was a single storey, brick building, stuccoed in white, on Church Street in Richmond. The nuns kept it secure with a cyclone fence in front, wood paling at the back and apartment blocks on either side. Italian style architecture gone to seed. It was once someone’s home with a large entrance way and two big rooms in front with a rabbit warren of smaller rooms off a central corridor down the back. The nuns had organised builders to rip out walls and make room for a refectory where the little ones could eat their meals and for the rest the children stayed in two partitioned rooms: a baby’s room for littlies under one and a toddler’s room for the rest. About forty children in all with five adult helpers, including me. 

We were headed by a nun from an order whose convent sat several houses down Church Street over the road from St Ignatius. Their long habit was less foreboding than that of the nuns who taught me at school. The Daughters of Divine Zeal also dressed in black and white but with a bold white bib in front and a looser fitting wimple than the one worn by my lot, the Faithful Companions of Jesus.

This was the summer when my mother had decided she could not take living with my father anymore, or perhaps my older brothers decided it for her. In any case, one of my oldest brothers arranged for the younger ones of our tribe to move into a shack down by the beach in Parkdale.

For once it wasn’t scary to go home at night. There was a predictability to each day. A certainty about what breakfast time might be like. No surly overhung father snarling in a corner. No volcanic ash burning father at night. Just the quiet lull of the ocean waves in the distance and the thump of pine tree branches as they clipped against the tin roof of the bungalow where one of my older brothers lived. 

We four little ones shared a wide room in the centre of the house, four beds cheek by jowl. It must have once been a dining room as it flanked the lounge room through opaque double glass doors that glowed all night from the streetlamp outside. I did not mind. The murmur of my sibling’s breathing at night was a comfort against the fierce uncertainty of our lives back home in Cheltenham.

Because we lived free of the strictures of our father, it was nothing for my little brother to come home with a stray cat he’d found in a laneway near the beach on his way from school one day. And nothing for the cat to skulk off under our house to give birth to a litter of pink babies who looked like tiny furless mice. 

Without my father for constraints, our mother was helpless against any interlopers we children brought home and although she told us we could not keep all the kittens she let us keep two until we found homes for the other three. The mother cat was a given. No one else would want a feral mother but in no time this cat gave up on mothering and left the cradle of her kittens to roam free once more.

One morning I woke to a scratchy itching on my arm. A ring of red welts that circled my inner wrist. 

‘Looks like ring worm,’ my sister said. She who read more books about facts than me. She had dreams of one day becoming a nurse. No children for her. Nurse Spinster Bowen my brothers nicknamed this sister. She could diagnose ringworm from the illustrations in one of her books and I worried all the way to childcare whether I should be going there at all.

I took the precaution of wrapping the offending arm in glad wrap as if to protect children from any creeping bugs crawling inside my arm. Not that any were visible to the human eye. My sister had told me they were buried under the skin. They must have escaped into me from the kittens.

It was a hot day but not too hot to hide my glad-wrapped arm under a cotton blouse which hid my wrists and although I’d have loved to travel without sleeves it was the only precaution I could imagine. I could not miss out on my work at childcare. I was volunteering, and the nuns needed me.

All day long I tried to avoid direct contact with the little ones. The hardest thing in the world to do in a place teeming with small people who regularly ran to anyone taller than them for comfort when they fell or brawled with another child over someone’s preferred toy.

It was a Friday. I had the weekend to recover. I had the weekend to go to a chemist shop and buy the necessary ointment to eradicate the bugs from under my skin. To choke them to death rather like the fly spray we spurted into the air after someone had left doors or windows open, so flies could swarm into each room. They lay lifeless on window ledges, giving off tiny flecks after you left them for several days. I thought of my miniature bugs similarly though I did not know they had wings or whether they were simply the crawling variety living under layers of skin.

By the Monday, despite my glad-wrapped arm still covered in the fabric of my blouse, I feared some parents might report their little one had come home covered in red welts.

It did not happen, not in my hearing and the days into summer and my holiday job advanced without hiccoughs. Even as it took ages before the welts disappeared.

When the pandemic erupted across the world in 2020 and people everywhere worried about our proximity to other people, my memories of contagion erupted once more. Only this time other people’s bodies were the carriers. Unless of course speculation was accurate. The Corona virus first appeared in bats, then crossed over the species barrier and spread through us humans. 

In 2020, I needed to revisit my scepticism about all things contagious, including in my time at the Antonian when I understood more about the way feelings can also be contagious from person to person. Though I did not fully understand it then. The way we send messages to one another without words. And sometimes those messages can leave another person sick, with a ring of red welts around their minds where the bugs of another person’s concerns can settle on their sense of themselves like the bugs that burrow under human skin to take up residence. One parasite on another.