His name in a barrel:

The year I turned 23 I met a man through friends. A short man relative to my father but a man who impressed me with his sense of humour and his decision to leave the Catholic Church years earlier, much as I had done. 

From our first meeting at a dinner party in Glen Waverly where a friend served pate as first course and this man advised her on what she might have done to improve the flavour – he knew about cooking – this man showed me the pleasure of smoking cigars. 

Not that I smoked pipes, cigars or cigarettes, not then, not until I decided, modelling myself on him months later, that it was cool to smoke cigarettes and a good way to keep other cravings at bay. 

In the first week of that meeting we spent every night together curled up in his bed in the front room of his Fermanagh Road share house in Camberwell. His three-level bookshelf housed several books familiar to me, mostly novels but tucked away in a corner was Kinsey’s report on the sexual habits of people. 

This man knew things I did not know. He was smart, even though he had decided to ditch university and his law degree after only one year and was fast on his way to becoming what he called a ‘career public servant’. Not that he wanted to become the top public servant, Prime minister of Australia – politics troubled him – but he could well become a ministerial advisor to some dignitary and that way forge his career as a person whose advice was essential to others. 

He mocked my choice of career. ‘Social workers,’ he told me on our first meeting, ‘are ‘mawkish dabblers in the dirty washing of others.’ I did not take offence. His was a stereotypical view but so well worded it made me laugh. 

On the third day after we spent the night together, we decided yet again I should rock up at his place after work, only this time I promised to bring fish which he would cook for us and his three house mates. 

I chose flake, as the only fish whose name I knew. He was unimpressed. There were so many preferable varieties to choose from, but we were fast falling in love and in those early days he would forgive me anything. And I him. 

He needed help to unload the car, he told me, after I had unloaded my fish onto the kitchen bench. I followed him back out the front door and watched as he dragged out a pile of suits. 

‘I won them,’ he said. ‘Five suits, five ties, five shirts and they threw in five pairs of socks to match. Only trouble I had to choose them then and there.’ Together we carried in the remaining loot. The man was colour blind and therefore relied on others to help with matching colours, fabrics, and tones. 

I wished I’d been there to help him choose. ‘She did a good job,’ I said praising the efforts of the person who helped him collect his winnings, the young woman at the men’s clothes store where he chose the winning ticket.

‘I put my name into a barrel,’ he said ‘during my lunch break and they pulled it out that afternoon. They rang to let me know and I had to collect it straight away otherwise they’d reach for the next person.’ Within ten minutes my friend was the owner of five new suits, ties, shirts and socks. All in greens and browns and a few in grey and navy. 

I’d have chosen differently but what the heck. I saw it as a sign. This man was lucky. And his luck reinforced months later after I moved with him to live in Canberra where he had taken up a new position seconded by the Commonwealth to work on the Queen’s Birthday honours list, encouraged me to stick by him. 

On Cup Day Eve in Canberra, we went to one of his work functions and there he won one of several sweeps held in honour of the horse race. A platter of sausages and beef. The prize meant little to me and was something of a problem given we knew almost no one there with whom to share it, beyond his few work colleagues. We gave the meat to them. 

We had a dry run luck-wise then for several years past our marriage and the birth of three daughters into the late 1980s while he continued to work for the Commonwealth Government, which he was soon to leave to finalise his career in law with a return to university. 

As a final tribune to his public service colleagues, he won the annual football lottery they held each year. Each member in his team put in $100.00 and at the end of the season the person who guessed the most wins took the lot. Some two thousand dollars. It was his most significant win to date and proved once more that, despite all the ups and downs with this man, good fortune followed us wherever we went. 

I say this in the material sense. Beyond the material, misfortunes have followed us, too, even as we made our way into a life of modicum success. 

But the man who was thrice lucky never saw himself so. His aspirations rose higher than winning the football pools or horse racing triumphs at a local hall in Belconnen to some sense of greater wealth which has long evaded him.

‘We’ll wind up in a caravan park in Rosebud;’ he said. His greatest fear, much as I have promised repeatedly this will not happen. 

No signs of this, and yet the long shadow of childhood poverty follows him wherever he goes, much as it follows me. 

How fast we forget the essence of actual poverty. To think of the starving, those in war torn countries or the indigenous, is to take a path, sobering in its austerity, enough to stop us complaining. 

How easy it is to bypass the luck of a life. When he was 21 this young man’s name was not drawn from the barrel of marbles used to decide who should go to Vietnam to fight. If it had he told me, he’d have become a conscientious objector and hidden from the authorities. But he was spared. This young man was lucky indeed. Not only five suits, shirts, ties and socks, but a reprieve from going to war.

Four days in Japan

On our first morning in Japan the sun rose outside our window in a fierce orange glow. It looked to me as though the day would be hot, only we were well past summer and the nights had turned chilly, or so my daughter told me, and she should know. She lives in Tokyo with her partner, both now able to make themselves understood in Japanese after eighteen months of life here.

 

On that first day we visited the Senso-Ji Temple in Asakusa and made a small offering to which ever gods require such tokens, a few yen in return for the opportunity to shake a wooden cylinder with a hole at the top.

 

After a good shake, I slid out a wooden rod around which someone had scrolled a small sheet of paper on which my fortune was printed.

I copped No 54. Bad Fortune.

Your body is one but with 2 different kind mind, so everything goes out of order. Just like lunar eclipse make the sky dark all will be dark. Though fortune approaches to you, but you can’t get it.

Just like a fish can’t meet water, there may be so many possibility to be a bad case for you.

 *The request will not be granted. *The patient will be unhappy. *The last article will not be found. * The person you wait for will not come. *Let’s stop build a house and removal. *Any kind of marriage, to start a trip, new employment are all bad.

My husband, on the other hand, drew out a rod whose message No. 21 included Good Fortune.

Washing off all bad things in the past, now everything is clear and clean.

The brilliant light and glorious flower came out clean again being washed so well.

What you desire will finally gets profit, which means everything around you comes out quite well.

Time passing by, everything turns out to be better, just like the sun shines all day long. *Your hopes will turn out to be real. *Recover from sickness, but if careless might be serious. *The lost thing will be found and the person you wait shows around. *There are no problem of building and moving house. *There are no worry about marriage, travel and employment.

I am not given to superstition and yet this dose of bad fortune stayed with me. I feared I’d have evidence of it soon enough. Our plane might crash during our return flight. Our health might fail. Something dreadful would happen to confirm the worst of my situation.

One afternoon as we marched along the platform after getting off a train and headed for the exit stairs, I knocked a young woman’s mobile phone out of her hand as I brushed past. I stopped momentarily to apologise guilt stricken that I might have damaged her phone but she picked it up and said nothing.

‘Don’t worry’, my daughter said. ‘These things happen. The woman’s okay. She’s not cross.’ It was not a case of bad fortune, just circumstance but still a jolt.

On day two, in quiet moments in my daughter’s apartment on the tenth floor of her luxurious apartment that overlooks Tokyo proper and on clear days gives a view of Mount Fuji, and with a toilet that flushes itself by sensor, I took to reading books from their small library.

I feasted on Murakami and found myself immersed in the Japanese world on the page. Somehow the writing helped make sense of the culture shock I had experienced during those fast few days in this other part of the world.

Several times over on our third day in Tokyo we walked through one of the busiest intersections in the world in Shibuya. All those bodies at cross purposes, half walking in one direction, the other half in the opposite and of those halves some walk on the perpendicular to get across through the middle of the intersection that runs in something like five directions.

Worse still there are folks who stop mid centre to take selfies that set them forevermore in photo form bang smack in the middle of the world’s busiest intersection. It seems they intend to say: I was here in this over populated place, my life in my hands, like hanging over the lip of the Grand Canyon or putting down your flag on the top of Mount Everest.

I found myself hating the crowds, but relishing the strange sense of pleasure I felt every time I remembered my daughter’s words: the Japanese are so polite and Japan is one of the safest places in the world.

That third night reading Murakami’s words before we went out for dinner I found myself in rivers of tears, unstoppable tears, all the way through the subway.

The people on the train are too polite or tuned out or singular within themselves to notice this western woman in tears, whereas here in Australia I suspect people would cast furtive glances in my direction. There in the Tokyo metro no one looked my way. No one noticed that I was distressed, or if they did, they ignored it.

This distance offered a strange sort of protection against embarrassment, but also left me feeling isolated. As if I was surrounded by people, and yet entirely alone.

Now I find myself caught between two ideas. The one which Alain de Bouton describes in his book, The Art of Travel, where he writes about the pleasures of expectation as distinct from the fact of arrival.

In our imaginations we anticipate a place of immense pleasure riddled with expected signposts – the Eiffel tower, for instance, fields of tulips in Holland or the eyeblue seas of the Greek islands – but once we get to our destination, we find our signposts might well be there but there are also other unwanted aspects, including the fact of our own troublesome bodies, our tiredness, our headaches, our conflicts with loved ones.

De Bouton describes the experience of one Duc des Esseintes, the hero of a J-K Huysman novel written in 1884.

Des Esseintes had for years wanted to see Amsterdam and Haarlem in Holland, based on his appreciation of the paintings of Rembrandt and other great masters, for their ‘nice brick courtyards’ and their ‘pale faced maids pouring milk’. But when he arrived in Amsterdam he found ‘these gems were blended with the ordinary images (restaurants, offices, uniform houses and featureless fields), which these Dutch artists had never painted.’ These other unwanted aspects diluted the pleasure of his travel.

‘Des Esseintes ended up in the paradoxical position of feeling more “in” Holland – that is more intensely in contact with the elements he loved in Dutch culture – when looking at selected images of Holland in a museum than when travelling with sixteen pieces of luggage and two servants through the country itself.’

And then there’s the other notion that travel broadens the mind.

Des Esseintes found himself longing for the loveliness of Paris from pictures he’d seen but after his venture to Holland, he decided to stay at home and enjoy his imaginings untarnished by the ordinary and unwanted aspects of real life.

On the other hand, these tarnished realities create the learning experience, and broaden the mind more than the stereotyped grandeur we see in photos and in films.

By day four, I was ready to go home. And filled with fear that I might be like the character Satsuki in Marumaki’s short story: Thailand.

‘That night lying in her pristine bed, Satsuki wept. She recognized that she was heading towards death. She recognized that she had a hard, white stone inside herself. She recognized that a scaly, green snake was lurking somewhere in the dark. She thought about the child to which she never gave birth. She had destroyed that child, flung it down a bottomless well. And then she had spent thirty years hating one man. She had hoped that he would die in agony. In order to bring that about, she had gone so far as to wish in the depths of her heart for an earthquake. In a sense, she told herself, I am the one who caused that earthquake. He turned my heart into a stone; he turned my body to stone. In the distant mountains, the grey monkeys were silently staring at her. Living and dying are in a sense of equal value.’

And the ripples of the earthquake that hit Fukushima on day four rumbled below but I was asleep and felt nothing, with no inkling of the bad fortune that was to follow.